The dark days...

Last Friday Jacob had a field trip to Moomers, a popular ice cream shop named the "Best Ice Cream in America" by Good Morning America. When Jacob attended the Betsie Bay Coop, they took field trips once a month. At the TC Coop, they only do one field trip a year to Moomers. It's a pretty big deal for them and it is well attended by all the parents. We started off on the wrong foot by being late. Luckily the Hay ride hadn't left yet, so I tossed Jacob on and waved a quick goodbye before heading back to my other two that I had hastily left alone in the car (it was really close). Parents were instructed to return at 11am after the kids had returned from their tour. Instead of being late twice, I sat in the car with the little boys and waited the hour. About 10:50am, I pulled the stroller out and set it up, infuriating Brody. He wanted to get out of the car NOW. I let him throw his fit in the back of the van while I organized my coupons, which didn't bother me in the least until I realized that the board president was sitting outside near our car and probably heard Brody screaming the entire time with me just sitting there doing my own thing. Greeaaat I thought, little did I know that was going to be the least embarrassing part of the day.

So finally at 11am, I put the little ones in the stroller and headed inside for some ice cream. Austin wasn't too happy about being in the stroller, so once inside I put him in the bjorn. Brody was also unhappy about something and I tried to assure him he would be getting his ice cream soon. He continued to thrash around in the stroller, so I did a quick scan of the room and figured he couldn't cause too much damage in here so I let him out. Brody climbed up in a booth near Jacob and was content for about 5 seconds until his foot slipped and he fell. I tried consoling him, but he was more angry than hurt. He made it clear to me that he wanted to go outside, so I went to the other side of the room where I had left our bulky double stroller to take it outside with us. While retrieving the stroller, Brody lost sight of me and grabbed on to the closest pair of legs and rubbed his crying, snotty face all over the ladies nice, clean pants. The lady kind of jumped back and Brody looked up and realized it wasn't me he was smearing himself on and began to cry even harder. He then grabbed on to the next pair of legs. Again, not mine. Again, smearing his snotty face back and forth. With a very flushed face, I grabbed him and then looked ridiculous struggling to open the door for myself and push a giant double stroller through the doors while carrying two children. We made it outside and I had a happy child again. Brody pointed to the cows and mooed and life was good. Then he realized he still wanted ice cream. So, back into the store we went (leaving the stroller outside this time). We got in line and the tantrum started back up again. This time it was because Brody wanted the empty ice cream cone samples on the counter and he wanted them NOW. So I'm holding Brody in one arm while he is kicking and fighting and trying to not let him whack the baby. At that point, the teacher came over and offered to take a child for me. She was only watching 18 kids, what is one more? Despite my urge to give her Brody, I handed Austin over. Finally, it was our turn in line. I ordered our ice cream and cursed under my breath when I saw the girl remove the empty tub and disappear in the back for a new one, which really pissed Brody off. Damn, why hadn't I checked to make sure there was ice cream left! After about 30 seconds, but felt like forever, she returned with a new tub and scooped us some ice cream in a cup. I took Brody over to the counter and felt confident he was going to be thrilled with his big bowl of ice cream. WRONG. I'm thinking he wanted a cone at this point, but who the h*$@# knows? Brody is even angrier and refuses the bite of ice cream I'm trying to feed him on the spoon. He keeps trying to grab the bowl from me, but I knew if he got a hold of it, it was going to go flying so I pulled it away. Brody then laid on top of the counter screaming and slamming his fists on it while kicking his feet and knocks the bar stool over. Awesome. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. In one motion I throw Brody under my arm, pick up the bar stool and flee the scene. And just like that, my little Brody is sweet again. He sat down at a little picnic table and had a bite or two of ice cream and then walked down the stairs to see the cows up close. I walked down with him and took a deep breath, finally relaxing when I realized Shit! I have two other kids! How are they doing? I run up the stairs and take a quick peek and realize Austin is now crying. I try to get Brody to walk back up the stairs with me because I didn't feel comfortable going inside since the part where Brody was at is open to the parking lot. Brody refuses and lays down across the stairs so that some of Jacob's classmates and their parents can't get by. Screw it. I'll just leave him and try to grab Austin quickly. So I make my way through the crowded room and grab Austin from a new lady holding him. I run over to her and she is all about the small talk "Oh, I hope you don't mind me holding him? He's so cute! How old is he?" I'm like ya, whatever lady, I gotta get back out there and I rush off. For a moment everyone is happy again. And then the moment ended. Brody spotted one of the booklets all the preschoolers on the tour received and he wanted. it. now. I pulled it out of his angry little hands and put it out of reach on the middle of a picnic table. Meanwhile, Brody ran to the middle of three ladies discussing the "Bayshore Marathon", laid down in the middle of them and began crying, screaming, kicking, and pounding his fists. Again, awesome. It didn't help that one of the girls discussing the "Bayshore Marathon" was 1/2 of "the couple" I tried to make my friend two years ago, check here and here for more details on that . Shall we even check the latest scoreboard? I'm sure given my stellar parenting skills as demonstrated by Brody at Preschool field trip, the fact that she runs marathons, and the lame fact that I'm still blogging about her the score is looking something like:

Scoreboard:

Switzers: 1

Other Couple: 23,090,908,001

Anyways... it is blatantly clear to me that we need. to. go. now. So I throw Austin back in the stroller (who then starts crying) and go wrangle Brody from the bitches - er other moms, and tousle with him to get him restrained in the stroller. He is screaming. Austin is screaming. I'm sweating profusely and trying to get the hell out of dodge! I'm making my way to the car when the teacher and Board President ask me what they can do to help, I give Austin to the President and ask the teacher to keep an eye on Jacob and I proceed to the car to buckle my passionate little two year old in the car. I'm crawled way in the back of the van fighting my little hip thruster and finally get him buckled. As I turn around, I give myself a little credit for keeping my mouth shut and not telling Brody what I wanted to say to him because I then realized the Board President had been waiting at the car door the whole time. I get Austin buckled in his seat and then turn to grab Jacob and with impeccable timing Jacob informs me "I have to go potty" as the other two are screaming their heads off, buckled into their seats. Thankfully the teacher whisked Jacob off to the bathroom before I could burst into tears. She returned with Jacob and I buckled him into his seat and headed for the hills.

So much for showering that morning... I'm really sure people noticed how pretty my hair was! Oh, did I mention there were several video cameras documenting the big field trip? Lovely. Meanwhile, I didn't get a chance to take even one photo of Jacob. :( And every child (all 18) had at least one parent there. Even some grandparents. Fabulous. Thankfully Jacob behaved amazing well all day, but he made up for it the following week at school. I won't even go into that, except to add that I don't know what was better... the foolish fact that I thought I had nowhere to go but up from the previous week and boy was I wrong, or the priceless looks on the teacher and other parents faces when they saw Jacob having a huge dramatic, meltdown (because he is so painfully shy, quiet and well behaved at school).

There are just some days when you really feel like you suck at this parenting stuff. So much for making friends with the other moms there, now I just feel too much out of their league to even try.